Occupy your seat

It can´t be a coincidence that today is the day of cutting cords in the Mayan traditions. It is time to cut unhealthy ties, patterns, cycles.

It´s as if I just received a new pair of glasses, through which I see things more clearly then ever. I realize that I was copying old, unhealthy patterns in relation to responsibility. I, too wasn´t taking responsibility over my own life. From that deeply wounded inner child - waiting to be seen, embraced and given a sense of security and safety, I kept waiting to be held. Today, I gave space to all that pain of that child that waited and waited and never had anyone showing up. Today, I realize that I had agreed on learning this lesson during this lifetime.

A child that took many responsibilities it shouldn´t have to take while being young, now continued to stubbornly wait for that weight to be lifted and that childhood to arrive. From that place, an adult, stuck in childhood and not willing to take responsibility, was created. I now, repeatedly tried giving my current adult responsibilities away to my partners, father or mother. As a result, that wound was opened, again and again. Because no one would or could take MY responsibility for me, besides ME.

Now, I have a choice.

Either, I continue to hurt myself, by putting those expectations onto others, that will lead to repeated disappointment and feelings of powerlessness.

OR, I take responsibility and power over my own life back.

Responsibility sounds like a heavy word to me, it´s charged with high expectations and pressure and weight. Today, I realize that responsibility doesn´t have to equal ´burdon´. Responsibility means, doing whatever it takes to take care of myself the best way possible. “I want peace”, I heard myself express today during a reading. So, “what does it take to create peace for yourself, Marieke?” Setting myself free, by reclaiming my own power back. Occupying my own seat again.

By doing so, I cut the unhealthy ties of conditional love and maskarade. I no longer feel the need to hide my truth, I am now free to put my limits and know that I will alway have my back.

Taking resposibilty doesn’t always mean taking action or tackling every challenge at once. It might sometimes simply mean, to rest. It might sometimes mean to take action, it might sometimes mean to be patient.

I occupy my own seat, in which I lay back and rest when needed, in which I take action when needed, but always feel supported.

“I have your back, darling.”

All the energy that I used to waste in wining that others didn't take responsibility for me or others didn’t fulfill my expectations, is energy that I now claim back to the center of my being and use wisely.

Love,

Marieke